Male chastity in couples, regardless of the gender of the key holder, is specifically about control. Whether this control stems from jealousy, playful BDSM or a desire to be controlling and controlled, or even something else varies between couples. There are sufferers of Othello Syndrome – which is characterized as delusional, or pathological jealousy – whom have found comfort in Chastity devices whilst they undergo therapy, but it should be noted that in general, jealousy and mistrust does not constitute a chastity device and the couple need to work on their relationship before considering this type of play.
The reason is that jealousy can change the dynamic of the power relations, the key holder can often become intentionally cruel or abusive and this can create a dangerous situation for the chaste male. That’s not to say that jealousy and mistrust don’t always play some part on chastity cages, but if it is the primary aspect, then consider yourself warned. For the most part, male chastity toys are about control in some varied form of a BDSM relationship. It most often appears as a power play between a dominant and submissive, and chastity can also be used in pet play. Power control is the fundamental aspect within a master/slave, mistress/slave, and owner/property situation and that power can be demonstrated through the act of denying pleasure and inflicting pain. The infliction of pain being through the constant sexual and physical teasing/stimulation that a dominant can give their chaste male.
Have you both discussed a relationship that uses chastity devices or any kind of couples sex toys and are you both comfortable with it? You both need to have a clear discussion on what you both would like to get out of it. There is absolutely no point in doing this if one partner is driving this over the other. What this can result in is a variation of the relationship that we described above – where the dominant exceeds the boundaries of a dominant relationship and can become physically and mentally abusive in ways that are outside the realm of what was agreed upon. If one partner really wants to be dominant or submissive and the other is just not feeling it, then you need to take a step back, let each other think on it for a while before bringing it up again. Failure to do so could potentially be more harmful to the relationship as it can be seen as an indication of not acknowledging the needs of the other individual.
The second thing you both need to do is research. There are three things that you will need to research; chastity cages, the role of chastity, and D/s relationships. Even if your chastity relationship does not centeron a D/s relationship, I can guarantee that you’re going to find it a useful endeavor as it will help define the chastity relationship in helping you both understand the dynamics of the relationship, as well as the potential for it to grow. You will also need to spend a considerable amount of time researching chastity toys and a good start would be to go into an adult lifestyle centre so you can see the full range available. You need to consider several things including; material, cock size, when you’ll be wearing it, as well as how this will impact your day to day life. If your boyfriend/husband/partner drives heavy equipment all day then perhaps you could only use the chastity devices on weekends, or at home.
Alternatively a flexible and easily hidden material such as silicone will need to be used, or as he’s learning to cope with the toy he may need to be given a key. Ultimately, you will need to find a balance between pleasure and practicality and be in a position to provide accommodations when you first start . Secondly, the size of ones cock will have an impact on the actual chastity toy.
You will certainly need to consider the size of the cock ring aspect and you can do this by measuring up. Grab a piece of string, place the string around the base of a flaccid cock. Measure the length of the string and divide by 3.14. You will now have roughly the diameter of the ring that you’ll need to wear in order to wear it comfortably.
Communication should be a continual thing throughout a chastity relationship, from the moment of bringing the idea of chastity up, to the moment that the chastity device has been put on and being tested. There needs to be communication at all stages and consent from all parties involved. Before embarking on a D(ominant)/s(ubmissive) relationship – it might be a good idea to draw up a contract. In fact, we seriously recommend it and believe that no D/s relationship should begin without one. It might sound formal, it might sound silly, but what it does is that it sets up the boundaries within the relationship through negotiation and defining the relationship. The development of a D/s contract is the best way to;
– Discuss what you both want out of the relationship. This will include your needs and expectations.
– Establish Goals by setting rules, responsibilities and an understanding of each other’s limits.
– Establish your ground by knowing exactly where you stand and what is expected from you within this relationship.
– Set steps – it’s unwise to simply jump into a fully-fledged relationship without making small steps and going through different phases as you learn, grow and accept your new relationship roles.
– A contract will easily allow you to review your progress as per the goals you have set, reflect upon your growth and journey and make changes as per necessary to ensure that you’re staying true to the document.
– It ensures that your commitment is seen as official. Whilst a D/s contract is not legally binding, it is a fundamentally important tool that will help guide your relationship.
Check Out The Contract For Female Dom Sub
Check Out The Contract For Female Mistress Slave
The above links offer some blank contracts which are simply a matter of copying and pasting in names, removing parts which do not apply, and adding parts which do. These are for FemDom however you can just change the genders for Male Dom. Even if you are a trained lawyer, we recommend having a look at other peoples contracts so that you can an understanding of what is required and expected of, within a contract so that you are both happy with the outcome. In essence, a contract is simply a guidance tool to the relationship, and an explanation of the rules, boundaries and limits of each party. Communication is essential in setting up a chastity relationship, and it is an essential part in reviewing the relationship and checking in to see how it’s going and whether its working for you, and if not, what changes need to be made. Without communication, without solid communication, the relationship will not work. Period.
4. Buying A Chastity Device:-
Once you’ve researched a device and you’ve both settled on one comfortably, it’s time to make your purchase and take it home. You can do this by either looking at them in understanding adult store or selecting them from online. Once you’ve gotten it home, you both need to spend some time with your new device, examining it, opening and closing it until you’re comfortable with it. You can then get him to put it on – I make the suggestion for him to put it on only because he’ll be more comfortable and understanding of his cock and balls in a way that shouldn’t necessarily cause pain. Make sure it fits well, whilst taking into consideration that he will need to pee, yet contain his erections and not allow him access to play with his cock. After he has practiced taking it on and off a few times then you should be right to give it a go.
Having a chastity toy bolted around his cock might seem pretty simple, but he will need to have a couple of days to get used to the sensation and finding new ways to move around and do certain things. For example, he might not be able to wear tight running shorts, or he may find it easier to sit down when he pees. Cocks can get uncomfortable in pants sometimes, now consider a piece of metal or some other material strapped around it. If you want to immediately jump into play – do it in small doses and do not leave him unsupervised for long periods without emergency access to a key. Start by wearing it for short periods of a time to begin with, and learning to handle the toy through every day use. Wearing it on weekends for the entire day is also a good start. Once he is comfortable wearing it for extended periods, and has grown to being able to handle it for an entire day, then you can move on to wearing it overnight. Learning to wear a cock cage overnight is one of the most difficult things to do, as he will have to learn to cope with the numerous night time erections that he gets. Once he can wear it overnight, you can then slowly expand that to a day and a night, a few days continuously and so on and so forth. Once he’s settled in and broken the device in – there should only be access granted to an emergency key under strict circumstances.
6. The Key Holder:-
As the key holder you have certain responsibilities, as does he in his confinement. You need to determine what is appropriate and what is not within the pre-established set of rules. You cannot withhold an emergency key for emergency health and safety situations, nor should you not give him access to clean himself and the toy. Indeed, cleaning is an important part of being in a chastity. At first, he will need to take it off to clean every few days, but as he grows more comfortable with the device this can extend to a weekly thorough clean. To deny him the chance to clean can result in serious health issues – whilst we’re not suggesting that he be let loose with the key during cleaning (he can be supervised), you should never deny someone this. This is the part that is about pleasure and pain.
As key holder, you not only hold the key to the device, but also any form of sexual pleasure that you wish to engage in. This is especially useful in control situations whereby you can request favors of the submissive in return for sexual release in any form that you, as the key holder, choose. Once you realize that you are the sole key of any form of sexual pleasure for him and you utilize that knowledge in creative ways – you both should be having a lot more fun! If you haven’t already it might pay to read the article on being a key holder, elsewhere on this site.