There is a lot of information about chastity, and some of it can be quite in depth and detailed. If your partner has expressed a desire to wear a chastity device, you might find yourself a little confused. As such, we have compiled a list of FAQ’s with responses specifically geared towards the dominant, key holder, husband/wife whose partner has asked for a chastity cage. This might be a useful page to read before diving into some of the more in depth articles. It is always great to go to one of the better adult shops where you can gain personal advice.
The idea of being denied sexual delight for the benefit of satisfying you is exceptionally thrilling for your sexual partner. We all have mystery fantasies and dreams and male chastity is only one of those. Since this sexually exciting craving includes the utilization of a chastity cage or belt some of you may find it a bit unusual – and we won’t deny that. However, with time, patience and understanding and a little bit of reading, such as what is found below, you will hopefully find out why it can be arousing, why men like to be held by a chastity device and finally – how it can benefit you and your relationship.
Why Does He Find Chastity To Be Sexy?
It’s a mystery obsession that your man finds profoundly provocative, exciting and exceptionally attractive, to the point that even only a picture of a chastity gadget could bring about an erection. But why? Why does he feel the need to lock up his dick behind a cage? Many people say it’s about submission. That it is about submitting his control of his own sexual pleasure to another being. It’s also concerned with physical sensations, as well as the psyche, body, emotions and the perception of self. He will understand the idea of chastity to be a yearning, longing or even obsession.
From his point of view the appeal of the sexual fantasy is that his adoring partner (regardless of sex) holds the key to his manhood, and every one of his sexual desires. His cock becomes your own to do with what you will, to satisfy when and however you like, and you can use his sexual energy to placate your own; you say when and how he reaches climax, and you say when and how you reach climax. You control the very essence of his sexual desire and you can twist and manipulate that (within the boundaries of your relationship) to your every whim and desire.
This does not always mean that he will become submissive in the relationship, though we do acknowledge that there are elements of submission and these will manifest themselves in accordance to the boundaries of your relationship. Indeed, I have read and met many heterosexual and homosexual partners where the relationship dominant and submissive roles have not changed because of a cock cage. Indeed, one woman said that;
‘At First I Found It Quite Difficult – Our Marriage Was Certainly Male-Led And I Am By No Means A Dominant Person. However, I Quickly Learned To Use My Femininity To Take Charge Of His Sexual Pleasure. This By No Means Affected Our Primary Relationship, It Was Still A Male Led Marriage And I Was More Than Happy With That Arrangement.’ Edith
As such, you may be dominant in the sexual aspect of the relationship, but you do not necessarily have to be the dominant one overall in the relationship. Wearing a chastity device is not so much about curbing his sexual appetite or excessive masturbation – quite the opposite really. It’s an interesting contradiction. The idea is that a chastity device is meant to limit sexual pleasure in the sense that the sexual pleasure is controlled by someone else. Yet, that idea of having ones sexual pleasure being controlled is arousing to those that want to be caged. What ends up happening is that someone who is wearing a cock cage / chastity device will usually become more aroused than normal by the very nature of wearing a cock cage. In other words, a device that’s supposed to ‘limit’ arousal actually causes the very opposite to occur!
Some people look at it with a profoundly provocative perspective – that the one that who is caged will find his pleasure in satisfying and pleasuring you. At the end of the day a chastity device may cause him to be continually thinking about his key holder’s necessities over his own – whilst you can certainly manipulate the situation into having this occur; his pleasure comes after your own and the sexual release he craves will only occur once you are satisfied – it is important to remember that his caging is also about him. You are not necessarily secondary to that – but his actions, his desires are now as a result of being caged. How you utilize that creative and sexual energy is entirely up to you.
What If I’m Not Interested In Being A Key Holder?
So, if your partner has discovered the strength and courage to let you know that he’s thinking about chastity devices – don’t dismiss him, mock, or put the activity down. Remember, he has just shared something intimate with you and this communication should be encouraged. Something I’ve learned within this industry is
‘Don’t Yuck Someone’s Yum’
Just put it gently aside, say that you need time because you’re a little overwhelmed and then do your own research – make it clear that you’ll come back to him when you’re ready. Even if you are outright against the idea of a chastity cage, do some research anyway. This will indicate that you have given serious consideration to the idea, that you’re acknowledging the importance that it is to him, and will strengthen the relationship regardless.
What’s Special about it?
Chastity between an adoring couples is one of a kind, appealing and stirring. It is an uncommon closeness between you both, which you can keep a secret from the world – when he walks outside it might only be you and he that know he is under a lock and key. The sexual relationship between you both is likely to change as well – that’s not to say it will change completely but it can change in very subtle and profound ways. Taking away his sexual energy and his ability to channel that sexual energy can allow him to refocus that energy to something else. You might find that it is refocused back onto you, or maybe it will be work, family, life or even a combination of them all!
Will I Have Less Sex Now That He’s Caged?
Male Chastity is about you sharing his sexual dream and him satisfying your sexual needs. His chastity obsession is about satisfying you – however you shouldn’t necessarily take advantage of him wearing the chastity device by getting him to do the cleaning up! (Unless that’s the type of relationship you have both agreed on prior). It’s a mutual loving, caring and supportive relationship and not something that should manifest itself into physical, emotional or mental abuse.
Wearing a Chastity Device does not mean your man is sexually deficient. He can be manly, sexually capable, and appreciate wearing a chastity cage and still be virile and constantly horny. You don’t necessarily have to take charge in the bedroom either – you can still get him to make the first move. Chastity is simply about you controlling his sexual energy. When you are in the mood you can tease him using some sexy lingerie whilst he is still in chastity – what a buzz being so in control can be.
Being a key holder to your caged up man offers a satisfying sexual coexistence, in an often fun, exciting and joyous way. A way where his thoughts and pleasures are centered on you instead of his cock. Keep in mind that a lot of people believe that sexual activity must result in penetrative sex. By taking the penetration out of it (his) you can fundamentally change the sexual nature of your relationship. This implies and will ultimately demonstrate that sexual joys have a great deal less to do with the traditional PiV/PiA dichotomy than people have given attention to. Sex and sexuality, arguably has more to do with the joys of extensive foreplay, and the exploration of each other’s bodies. By taking away his act of penetration, it will allow the sexual energy to focus more towards these pursuits than anything else.
Should He Be Permitted To Cum?
Yes. How regularly this happens is dependent upon you. He will likely recommend when it ought to be and given his way then this will be all the time but it is important to remember that it is your choice and only your choice as his key holder. Don’t give in to him every time – else he’ll resent the ease of which he can achieve his sexual climax.
How Does Chastity Upgrade My Sexual Joy?
Some people find different things arousing. It’s like watching porn, or using a particular toy – at the end of the day there are, within each of us, certain things which tip us over the edge. I mentioned above that a cage will most likely increase his arousal levels – some couples report that this increased arousal makes him more attentive, more in tune with his partner. This sounds sweet – but don’t expect it. If you go into a chastity relationship with this in mind – you may end up with some very sorry expectations. However, he can learn to put your needs and pleasure over his.
In the majority of sexual cultures – sex is generally considered finished after he climaxes and ejaculates. Does this mean that you have also achieved sexual satisfaction? It can sometimes feel like you’ve been watching an awesome film together and he switches it off just before the good scenes come on.
Chastity shows him to think of you and your climaxes and pleasures. Whilst holding his key you could delicately deny him consent to ejaculate until you yourself have achieved sexual pleasure. You could even make him pleasure you multiple times before he earns his reward. He could be expected to serve his keyholder with his tongue and lips or maybe your most loved dildo, with expertise, dedication and adoration. He will inevitably turn into an exotic, fun loving individual whereby he is continually considering the sexual needs of his partner.
Why Does He Need Me To Hold His Key?
What arouses him is that his penis turns into your property. You control its opportunity. You hold the key. You are his Key holder. Chastity depends on the excitement of the psyche before the anticipation of his body. This shows us that the part of the key holder is vital to the chastity relationship. You excite his mind by holding his key which keeps him from touching his penis thus masturbation and sexual pleasure is impossible without your authorization.
When he first hands over his key, some piece of his dream is satisfied, and on the off chance that you agree to be his key holder you could wear the key around your neck – tantalizingly within view but also well beyond his reach. We’d suggest that you examine our Chastity Article about tips, tricks and safety as well. Always check that you have an extra – in the event that something goes wrong!