I am not a lawyer, and after a cursory investigation online, I would say the legal position of BDSM is very unclear. If you were to ask me if it is illegal in the USA and UK, I would have to say yes in that if an assault occurs, you are technically committing an offense. However, both countries have recognized BDSM clubs in universities and elsewhere. The only places that you could say it is legal would be Germany, Japan, Netherlands, Scandinavia, and Canada, where you are unlikely to be prosecuted if no severe harm occurs. This is just an opinion and should not be seen as a legal fact.
Privacy in BDSM clubs
Because of the legal situation and the fact that many people are offended by BDSM, those who indulge in it generally value their privacy, which makes finding a club difficult.
You will not find adverts in your local newspaper for BDSM clubs. That just does not happen. To find a club, you will need to have a source from within the BDSM community. Whether a publication, website, or personal contact.
There are two types of BDSM club, the good ones which vet their members, and the others which allow just about anyone in. If you are new to this scene, it is far better to get membership of a club that vets its members before they can join. Your experience will be far better, and you will meet people who are more discreet and in it for the long term.
A munch is a social meet-up, often taking place in a public place where members of the community meet for a coffee or a meal and socialize. It is not a place where BDSM activity takes place, it merely is somewhere where people talk about it, and newcomers can attend to find out more. Again, you are not likely to see an advert in the local paper advertising it. You will need to have someone tell you when it is happening.
Even when a club states that anyone is welcome to come along, you will find a great deal of suspicion of single men who try to attend. It is felt that usually, these individuals will be merely seeking sex and not as interested in BDSM. Single men can visit, but they should take their time and get known in the group and accepted before being too active.
So How Can You Find Clubs?
It comes down to making contact with a member of the BDSM community. You should go to fetish websites online or use Reddit to met people from the community. You might also try the Meetup website. Once you have made contact with one or two individuals who are in the scene, it will become much easier to find your local club and individuals locally who also share your interests.
I am not sure what you imagine a club will look like. Maybe you have watched porn and seen Gothic looking dungeons and vast pieces of wooden equipment where subs will be strapped and suspended from.
Yes, there are purpose-built venues in some large cities, but the reality your local club is probably going to meet in someone’s house.
You are going to be invited to a private house and you have to be very aware that there are rules and conventions about what you should or should not do.
You will be surprised to find that there is an atmosphere of respect and courtesy, perhaps the last thing you might expect but it’s true.
You Finally Get to Visit the BDSM clubs
So, at long last, you have been invited to attend a meet at an address you have been given. In giving you this address, a great deal of trust has been invested in you. With luck, this might be your chance to become a full member of this exclusive community.
You know on the door and a guy lets you in and checks that you are invited. Some clubs might make you sign a waiver to cover them in the eventuality of something going wrong. Others are just informal.
I suggest that the first night you just mingle and watch the action. Many people like to be watched but do not get involved unless asked. Have a drink or two but remember this is not a place to get drunk. Just enjoy watching and meeting people. On your second visit, you will have a better idea of what is happening and you can maybe get involved.
Trust is crucial in any relationship. This goes double for BDSM arrangements due to their specific nature. Just because BDSM relationships are about exploration and sexual expression doesn’t mean there aren’t limitations. Instead, the BDSM community has its own set of rules. If you’re interested in entering the submissive dating world, you need to know the red flags when looking for a dominant. By understanding them, you’ll be able to avoid dominants who aren’t in the BDSM world for the right reasons.
They don’t believe in a safe word
If you talk to a dom who doesn’t believe in using a safeword or ignores your safeword, run. This is someone who doesn’t respect the basics of BDSM and can cause severe damage to you. If your dom continues after you’ve said your safeword, you need to find another dominant. Of course, you should talk about it after the session, and try to figure out what happened first. However, a safeword is designed to protect the sub from acts that go beyond their personal boundaries. If your dom isn’t respecting your wishes, then they’re breaking your trust in them.
They think you need to be broken
This is one of the most common and well known red flags. Some doms have the idea that their subs need to be broken; similar to how you’d tame a wild animal. They believe in order for the sub to properly obey them, they need to break and remold their submissive entirely. This can be a huge red flag.
If your dom wants to “break you down,” and if you consent to this, they need to have a plan of how they’re going to build you back up again. The plan needs to be concrete and focus on building confidence in you. If a dom has never done this before or refuses to talk about their previous subs, then that’s a sign their experiences with breaking people down didn’t work too well.
They exclude you from the BDSM community
There’s a huge difference between being controlling and being jealous. We can all be a little jealous; however, being controlling is an entirely different thing. If your dom is trying to control you by preventing you from speaking to other people in the BDSM community, they aren’t a real dom. The BDSM community exists for like-minded people to connect and create relationships. If your dom isn’t allowing you to do that, then you need a new dom.
Prevent you from using social media
“Social Media Blocking” is a relatively new red flag, but is equally dangerous as the rest on our list. Social media blocking is when all communications (texts, Whatsapp, emails, Facebook, etc.) go through your dom. As a sub, they don’t allow you any private communication; everything needs to go through them first. This behavior is extremely controlling as they don’t want you to meet anyone else. If they’re controlling how you communicate, they’re also deciding who you communicate with. In other words, they slowly remove people from your life.
They don’t see you as a person
Regardless if you’re a dom or sub, you’re a person. It doesn’t matter if you’re roleplaying or being whipped, you’re still a human being with rights. If a dom tries to take your basic rights away from you; preventing you from speaking your opinion, then this is something you need to look into. Just because you enjoy being submissive, doesn’t mean you’re less of a person.
They don’t follow the agreed rules
Like we said before, BDSM isn’t a free-for-all; instead, it has specific rules for both subs and doms to follow. Of course, each relationship has its agreed rules as well. These rules ensure both you and your dom are on the same page. However, if your dom isn’t following the rules, then this is a red flag. The rules symbolize respect for the relationship and safety. If a dom is deciding to change the rules without your knowledge, that’s a problem. By breaking the rules, it’s clear they don’t respect you as a sub.
If you notice one of these red flags in your BDSM relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to break up right away. But it does mean you need to communicate with your partner and pay more attention to the relationship. If the red flags continue or become worse, you’ll need to decide whether or not the relationship is worth it. When looking at the red flags, listen to your gut. What is it telling you? If you have a feeling that something isn’t right, that’s because it isn’t.
Being married to someone for many years can make your sex life a little bit boring and uninspiring. People who have been together for more than 20 years usually don’t feel the same level of sexual attraction they felt at the beginning of their relationship. That’s why some of them are trying to reignite the flame in their bedroom by using various sex toys and trying different fetishes, cuckold fantasy included. In case you don’t know, a cuckold is a husband of an adulterous wife. However, in a modern cuckold fantasy, a cuckold is a man who enjoys watching his wife having sex with another man. A lot of married couples have managed to revive their sex life by trying this fetish which might encourage you to do the same thing if you have problems in the bedroom. However, before you start seeking cuckold partners, we should first answer a very important question – can cuckold dating actually help your marriage?
Seeing Your Woman With Another Man Will Arouse You
It’s safe to say that rekindling the passion and rediscovering the feelings of arousal is not an easy and simple thing to do when you’ve been with someone for more than 20 years. You know your wife’s body and moves so well, which means nothing she does can surprise you. Naturally, this is not a good thing in the bedroom and you can fix it by watching your wife have sex with another man. This may seem like a drastic measure, but why not give it a shotif nothing else works for you? Seeing your woman from this new perspective will show you how beautiful and sensual she really is.
Watching Her Have Sex With Someone Else Can Be Very Educational
If we’re being completely honest and real, a lot of men think that they know all there is to know about sex. They consider themselves to be great lovers, but in reality, most of them don’t know how to please a woman. So, if you’re not too proud, you should try being a cuckold because this unique sexual experience will provide you with a chance to see what your wife likes and dislikes in bed. This type of education can be quite useful and help you enjoy more satisfying sex with your significant other.
This Can Boost the Woman’s Confidence and Inspire Her to Be Better in Bed
The cuckold fetish is usually all about the man and his attempt to rediscover his passion and feelings of arousal. However, it can be very good for the woman as well. This type of sex can boost the woman’s confidence and motivate her to be better in the bedroom. The fact that some other man wants her badly will make her feel more confident and self-assured during sex. Also, she will want to put on a show for you and that’s why she’ll have to acquire some new skills.
Cuckold Fetish Will Help You to Be More Honest with Each Other
Once you set aside your pride and jealousy, you will see that this type of arrangement is something that could really benefit your communication in the relationship. Most couples stop sharing their intimate sexual desires with their partners after being married for a long time. However, after trying the cuckold fetish, you won’t be shy anymore and you will be able to be more honest with each other when it comes to sex and other erotic pleasures. You will be more relaxed and straightforward not just in the bedroom, but also in other important aspects of your life. If anything, this experience will make you more courageous.
It Will Make You Less Judgmental When It Comes to Fetishes and Kinky Sex
Most people consider fetishes and kinky sex as something that shouldn’t be enjoyed in marriage. However, this type of narrow-minded attitude is usually the main reason why married people have boring and uninspiring sex lives. So, if you don’t want to have this problem in your marriage, you have to be less judgmental. A good cuckold experience is something that can help you with that. Watching your wife have sex with another man or being watched by your husband will help you see that you can enjoy many other kinky things that you used to consider forbidden and shameful. This new positive attitude will certainly make your sex life much better and save your marriage. All in all, if you’re not satisfied with the sex you’re having with your spouse, you should probably try cuckolding.
One of the most popular massages offered by brothels is the happy ending massage. This type of massage involves a relaxing sensual massage that finishes with a satisfying climax. While many people seek happy ending massages for the sexual satisfaction they provide, it’s been proven that they can also have a range of benefits for health and wellbeing. Read on to discover some of the various benefits of getting a happy ending massage in Melbourne.
One of the main reasons why people visit brothels is for adult relaxation services. While a range of different massage types are typically offered for relaxation, there’s none as relaxing as a happy ending massage. Some types of adult massage can leave you feeling unsatisfied and wanting more, but with a happy ending massage, you’re able to walk out of your massage at the end feeling completely relaxed.
Whether caused by tight deadlines at work or family problems, stress can have a detrimental effect on a person’s life. Not only can it interfere with sleep and day-to-day activities, but it can also cause health problems such as high blood pressure and reduced immune system function. Fortunately, getting a happy ending massage in Melbourneis a great way to relieve any stress you may be experiencing in your life. Combining a soothing massage with the added bonus of a happy ending, a happy ending massage is sure to leave you feeling relaxed and free of stress.
Orgasm Denial Is Possible
Contrary to popular belief, happy ending massages do not necessarily end with an orgasm. Everything boils down to what you discuss with the masseuse. If you live a chaste lifestyle and you do not want to reach climax because it is against your beliefs, the massage can be quite empowering. This is because of the power associated with stopping everything. You can just let the masseuse do everything and then, when you want to, you can stop the massage. Orgasm is denied and you are instantly empowered by a simple NO. This makes your mind stronger since you are in complete control. The experience is always tailored for you.
If you suffer from insomnia or other sleep issues, you’ll know how frustrating it can be to lie awake all night trying to get some much-needed sleep. While medications can be prescribed by a doctor to promote better sleep, these often come with risks and side effects, so it’s a good idea to first try natural methods to improve sleep. One such method that can vastly improve sleep is a happy ending massage. Thanks to the stress relieving and relaxing benefits a happy ending massage in Melbourne can provide, you can experience a significant improvement in the amount and quality of sleep, meaning you’ll find it easier to both get to sleep and stay asleep without having to resort to medication.
Boost to Overall Health
Looking after one’s health is important, but sometimes it can be hard to find the time needed to do so. Fortunately, a happy ending massage offers an effective way of providing a boost to overall health. General health benefits of a happy ending massage in Melbourne can include increased body healing time, slowed down heart rate, lowered blood pressure, improved circulation, increased flexibility and range of motion, enhanced immune response, and even improved posture. A happy ending massage can also be beneficial by reducing stress which could otherwise lead to negative health effects. With so many benefits for health, sleep, stress relief and relaxation, it’s no surprise that so many people seek out happy ending massages. Offered by reputable brothels across Melbourne, this is one massage that’s sure to leave you feeling happy and relaxed.
Safety within chastity is pretty much the same as with standard chastity play. However, the most difficult thing will be the absence of a key holder. If you choose not to engage with a key holder, (or even if you do) then it’s a good idea to have some backups to avoid temptation. The Key is the most important part of male chastity. It is what will secure your release, and it is what denies you pleasure and freedom. When you’re in a physical relationship with a key-holder, the denial of the key is pretty simple. Your key holder partner will hold the key, hide the key, and use the key as they deem fit. Regardless of your circumstances we still recommend reading this page so that you can find uses and places for the emergency key though! When you’re not in a relationship or you’re not using a key holder, holding the key becomes a little more tricky. It needs to be something that is unusual, or difficult to get to so that you do not succumb to temptation by using your key. To do that you’ll need to make your key as inaccessible as possible. Here are a few ways and ideas that you could use, or that your partner might use.
– Hiding The Key
in a public place. Ideally, you don’t want to be hiding it in a place that is open 24 hours a day and seven days a week as you’ll be easily able to get your key. Places to consider might be, under the carpet in a library or in a seldom used section, somewhere in a shopping mall, or maybe in your gym locker where there’s not 24 hours access. See, the more restrictive that the hiding places opening hours are, the more difficult it going to make it when you go and try and retrieve it. If you’re using an option like this – you might want to get a back-up key in case your first key is accidentally found.
– Bury The Key
You might want to bury the key at a bus stop near your home, you might want to bury it near a landmark, or you might enjoy bush-walking and you might find a secluded spot in which you can bury it. Alternatively you could bury it near a farm, tree or fence post or pretty much wherever you like. So long as that it takes some distance to travel to. Putting it somewhere in the country can make it difficult especially if your area is prone to bad weather.
– A Glass Bottle
can serve as a key container. Simply plug up the neck with some stuff that can’t be removed, or alternatively melt the neck together after the key has been inserted. You’re basically looking at the idea that the bottle has to be broken in order to get the key out of the bottle. Secondly, the bottle will make for an awesome container if the key needs to be buried somewhere as the glass will not be breaking down anytime soon. (Please don’t put it in a cardboard box)
– Hide The Key At Work
You work there, you know all the little hidey holes where you can keep stuff, and where people aren’t going to look. If you’re putting it in a secure/awkward situation at work not only are you unlikely to take the chastity device off until you get home. Also, unless your workplace is open 24 hours, or you have keys, you’re not going to be able to have access to it all day.
– Bury It In A Friend’s Garden
without their knowledge. Or alternatively, hide it in their house or garage. Not only will you have to endure the torment of going to visit them when you’re caged, but you won’t be in a position to visit and leave straight away, meaning that there’s either going to be some awkward explaining or some enduring that you’ll have to go through.
– Give Your Friends
a spare set of keys with the key on it. This works well if you’re looking at chastity as something long term, as there’s only so many times that you can use the excuse of that you’ve forgotten your keys.
In all of these situations it is best that you keep a secondary back up key just in case. For example, if your friend goes away on holidays without telling you, then you’re certainly going to be in a pickle if you’ve left the key inside their house. Always ensure back up plans, and then make sure that you have back up plans for the back up plans. It might seem like a pain and a hassle but you’re not going to regret it.
Chastity can be difficult when you don’t have a partner to engage with – however just because you don’t have anyone else doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy yourself in chastity. What you’ll find below is a list of games that you can play by yourself in order to secure your own release and satisfaction at times. Basically, it’s a reward based system that you would normally get with a key holder, just in this case you’re rewarding yourself. The thing is, you can still enjoy chastity play even before you get someone else involved, and this might be a precursor to seeing if you actually enjoy chastity play without the embarrassment of having to ask someone else. In solo chastity play – you have to be honest with yourself and you have to be your own key holder, it’s not going to work if you’re not being committed to the type of play. Before you engage in extended periods of being caged, you need to ensure that your brand new chastity cage works, and fits well.
Start off by wearing it for short periods of time, and while carrying the key. If at any stage you feel discomfort, pain or anything like that, immediately remove the device and work out what was causing the discomfort. If it was simply in the wrong position, then re position and put back on. But if the problem is serious, like the ring is too small, or the device is too big, then you’re going to have to discontinue use, and get a new device or parts for the device. You’ll also need to start practicing by sleeping with it to ensure that it’s also a good fit for when you’re asleep. This process might take a few days, or even weeks, until you’re completely comfortable and satisfied with the device and you’re comfortable with leaving the key at home.
Start off with small trips, like a shopping trip, friend for lunch etc. and leaving the key at home. You’ll still have access to it, but just not immediately. In this fashion you can build yourself up to wearing the chastity device full time. Depending on your level of commitment you could start off by mirroring a standard key holder relationship by drawing up a contact, which will establish the length of time that you will remain chaste, establishing a list of punishments and so on and so forth. If you’re only going to do it for a few days, you could consider the idea of mailing the key to yourself, either from a neighboring town or similar. This will let you have a taste of chastity and whether you like it or not.
By constructing a list of punishments you could be holding yourself accountable to the contract as well – when playing solo its really up to you as to how far you want to take it. We have compiled a short list of punishments that you could use – penciling in the appropriate extensions depending on the time that you’re being locked up. If it’s only a couple of days you could extend the punishment by hours or days, it’s not really feasible to extend it by weeks or months. Conversely, if you’re locking yourself up for weeks or months, the punishments shouldn’t be hours or days.
– Suggested Male Chastity Penalties
– Not wearing your cage at all times:
– Touching yourself whilst being caged:
– Attempted masturbation/Masturbation
– Orgasm during the period of being locked:
– Not pleasing someone else to the best of your ability whilst locked:
– Failure to complete chores as per the contract:
Once you have sorted out all of the above, including what to do with back up keys you can start your chastity fantasy by engaging in some games! A good way to create a secure and emergency back up key, is to drop the key into a plastic bottle of water and freeze it. You’ll be limited in your access to your key and the ways in which you can quickly access it. It’ll still be there in an emergency, but it won’t be immediate.
Going to the gym can be hard. Why not motivate yourself by using chastity as a personal trainer? You could ask a friend to put the key in a locker, and they can give you the combination after you’ve worked out, or simply get them to hold onto a bunch of keys (with the chastity on it) for a short period of time. If you successfully work out, you can have access to the key again. If not. . . you’ll remain locked up.
There are a few websites online which will do something like a chastity spin. You ‘spin’ the wheel and it will give you a task or activity to do. It might add to your time as being chaste, or it might be kind and give you an early freedom. Be careful what you wish for, because this isn’t usually a wheel of kindness.
The Key Bowl:
For this one you’ll need a bunch of keys, you’ll be better if they are similar keys, you might even find it easier and more convenient to go to the locksmith and buy a bunch of key blanks, or ask them to just do a bunch of random style keys for you. Say it’s a date night and you’re looking for a fun game. You might need to give them a couple of days in order to do this, or buy a bunch of random keys online from ebay. Once you have your keys, put them and the key for the lock in the jar. From here, the choice is yours. You may simply take one key out per day, or for each task/goal that you’ve given yourself you might be rewarded with a key. If you’re really wanting to make this game last as long as possible, return the keys to the bowl at the end of each day/week, or immediately after you discover that it’s the wrong key.
For this you can use as little, or as many dice as you want. Starting off from the lowest number possible on the dice make a list of rewards and punishments that you’re going to give yourself. Keep in mind, that the more dice you use the more difficult it’s going to be and the more punishments and rewards that you’re going to have to right (unless you’re going to do ranges)
People on the internet are very kind and sweet. If you decide to join a chastity forum, you might decide to announce that for every comment that you get on your post, that you’re going to add X amount to your punishment. Or ask for them to make a suggestion of some kind. Prior to the post, pick a number – you have to follow that number posts instructions. Aren’t random people nice?
Make it hard:
Option 1. I’m sure that you have a bunch on anal insertables somewhere in the house (if you don’t go get some – or see option 2). Engage in some delightful anal play for a period of 25 minutes. At the end of this time – simply walk away.
Option 2. Watch your favorite porn for a period of 25 minutes. At the end of the time, walk away.
This one helps if you also do not have access to your back up key for an hour or so. The tease will simply blow your mind.
This one is certainly not for everyone. Make sure that your key is small enough to swallow without causing any damage. You’ll generally have your key back in 3-5 days. Just in case – make sure you have a backup.
The Kitchen Safe:
This one is not as extreme as swallowing your key. For this one you’ll need to look online. There’s a bunch of lockable cookie jars online, some of them will not even have an override so if its control that you’re after then this is going to be for you. It will force discipline, and you’re going to be in a position that forces you to take the commands of a lifeless being. But hey, that’s chastity! Give someone a spare key, or have a backup just in case.