Trust is crucial in any relationship. This goes double for BDSM arrangements due to their specific nature. Just because BDSM relationships are about exploration and sexual expression doesn’t mean there aren’t limitations. Instead, the BDSM community has its own set of rules. If you’re interested in entering the submissive datingworld, you need to know the red flags when looking for a dominant. By understanding them, you’ll be able to avoid dominants who aren’t in the BDSM world for the right reasons.
They don’t believe in a safe word
If you talk to a dom who doesn’t believe in using a safeword or ignores your safeword, run. This is someone who doesn’t respect the basics of BDSM and can cause severe damage to you. If your dom continues after you’ve said your safeword, you need to find another dominant. Of course, you should talk about it after the session, and try to figure out what happened first. However, a safeword is designed to protect the sub from acts that go beyond their personal boundaries. If your dom isn’t respecting your wishes, then they’re breaking your trust in them.
They think you need to be broken
This is one of the most common and well known red flags. Some doms have the idea that their subs need to be broken; similar to how you’d tame a wild animal. They believe in order for the sub to properly obey them, they need to break and remold their submissive entirely. This can be a huge red flag.
If your dom wants to “break you down,” and if you consent to this, they need to have a plan of how they’re going to build you back up again. The plan needs to be concrete and focus on building confidence in you. If a dom has never done this before or refuses to talk about their previous subs, then that’s a sign their experiences with breaking people down didn’t work too well.
They exclude you from the BDSM community
There’s a huge difference between being controlling and being jealous. We can all be a little jealous; however, being controlling is an entirely different thing. If your dom is trying to control you by preventing you from speaking to other people in the BDSM community, they aren’t a real dom. The BDSM community exists for like-minded people to connect and create relationships. If your dom isn’t allowing you to do that, then you need a new dom.
Prevent you from using social media
“Social Media Blocking” is a relatively new red flag, but is equally dangerous as the rest on our list. Social media blocking is when all communications (texts, Whatsapp, emails, Facebook, etc.) go through your dom. As a sub, they don’t allow you any private communication; everything needs to go through them first. This behavior is extremely controlling as they don’t want you to meet anyone else. If they’re controlling how you communicate, they’re also deciding who you communicate with. In other words, they slowly remove people from your life.
They don’t see you as a person
Regardless if you’re a dom or sub, you’re a person. It doesn’t matter if you’re roleplaying or being whipped, you’re still a human being with rights. If a dom tries to take your basic rights away from you; preventing you from speaking your opinion, then this is something you need to look into. Just because you enjoy being submissive, doesn’t mean you’re less of a person.
They don’t follow the agreed rules
Like we said before, BDSM isn’t a free-for-all; instead, it has specific rules for both subs and doms to follow. Of course, each relationship has its agreed rules as well. These rules ensure both you and your dom are on the same page. However, if your dom isn’t following the rules, then this is a red flag. The rules symbolize respect for the relationship and safety. If a dom is deciding to change the rules without your knowledge, that’s a problem. By breaking the rules, it’s clear they don’t respect you as a sub.
If you notice one of these red flags in your BDSM relationship, it doesn’t mean you need to break up right away. But it does mean you need to communicate with your partner and pay more attention to the relationship. If the red flags continue or become worse, you’ll need to decide whether or not the relationship is worth it. When looking at the red flags, listen to your gut. What is it telling you? If you have a feeling that something isn’t right, that’s because it isn’t.
Being married to someone for many years can make your sex life a little bit boring and uninspiring. People who have been together for more than 20 years usually don’t feel the same level of sexual attraction they felt at the beginning of their relationship. That’s why some of them are trying to reignite the flame in their bedroom by using various sex toys and trying different fetishes, cuckold fantasy included. In case you don’t know, a cuckold is a husband of an adulterous wife. However, in a modern cuckold fantasy, a cuckold is a man who enjoys watching his wife having sex with another man. A lot of married couples have managed to revive their sex life by trying this fetish which might encourage you to do the same thing if you have problems in the bedroom. However, before you start seeking cuckold partners, we should first answer a very important question – can cuckold dating actually help your marriage?
Seeing Your Woman With Another Man Will Arouse You
It’s safe to say that rekindling the passion and
rediscovering the feelings of arousal is not an easy and simple thing to do
when you’ve been with someone for more than 20 years. You know your wife’s body
and moves so well, which means nothing she does can surprise you. Naturally,
this is not a good thing in the bedroom and you can fix it by watching your
wife have sex with another man. This may seem like a drastic measure, but why
not give it a shotif nothing else works for you? Seeing your woman from this
new perspective will show you how beautiful and sensual she really is.
Watching Her Have Sex With Someone Else Can Be Very
If we’re being completely honest and real, a lot of men
think that they know all there is to know about sex. They consider themselves
to be great lovers, but in reality, most of them don’t know how to please a
woman. So, if you’re not too proud, you should try being a cuckold because this
unique sexual experience will provide you with a chance to see what your wife
likes and dislikes in bed. This type of education can be quite useful and help
you enjoy more satisfying sex with your significant other.
This Can Boost the Woman’s Confidence and Inspire Her to Be
Better in Bed
The cuckold fetish is usually all about the man and his
attempt to rediscover his passion and feelings of arousal. However, it can be
very good for the woman as well. This type of sex can boost the woman’s
confidence and motivate her to be better in the bedroom. The fact that some
other man wants her badly will make her feel more confident and self-assured
during sex. Also, she will want to put on a show for you and that’s why she’ll
have to acquire some new skills.
Cuckold Fetish Will Help You to Be More Honest with Each
Once you set aside your pride and jealousy, you will see
that this type of arrangement is something that could really benefit your
communication in the relationship. Most couples stop sharing their intimate
sexual desires with their partners after being married for a long time.
However, after trying the cuckold fetish, you won’t be shy anymore and you will
be able to be more honest with each other when it comes to sex and other erotic
pleasures. You will be more relaxed and straightforward not just in the
bedroom, but also in other important aspects of your life. If anything, this
experience will make you more courageous.
It Will Make You Less Judgmental When It Comes to Fetishes and
Most people consider fetishes and kinky sex as something
that shouldn’t be enjoyed in marriage. However, this type of narrow-minded
attitude is usually the main reason why married people have boring and
uninspiring sex lives. So, if you don’t want to have this problem in your
marriage, you have to be less judgmental. A good cuckold experience is
something that can help you with that. Watching your wife have sex with another
man or being watched by your husband will help you see that you can enjoy many
other kinky things that you used to consider forbidden and shameful. This new
positive attitude will certainly make your sex life much better and save your
marriage. All in all, if you’re not satisfied with the
sex you’re having with your spouse, you should probably try cuckolding.
of the most popular massages offered by brothels is the happy ending massage.
This type of massage involves a relaxing sensual massage that finishes with a
satisfying climax. While many people seek happy ending massages for the sexual
satisfaction they provide, it’s been proven that they can also have a range of
benefits for health and wellbeing. Read on to discover some of the various
benefits of getting a happy ending massage in Melbourne.
of the main reasons why people visit brothels is for adult relaxation services.
While a range of different massage types are typically offered for relaxation,
there’s none as relaxing as a happy ending massage. Some types of adult massage
can leave you feeling unsatisfied and wanting more, but with a happy ending
massage, you’re able to walk out of your massage at the end feeling completely
Whether caused by tight deadlines at work or family problems, stress can have a detrimental effect on a person’s life. Not only can it interfere with sleep and day-to-day activities, but it can also cause health problems such as high blood pressure and reduced immune system function. Fortunately, getting a happy ending massage in Melbourneis a great way to relieve any stress you may be experiencing in your life. Combining a soothing massage with the added bonus of a happy ending, a happy ending massage is sure to leave you feeling relaxed and free of stress.
Orgasm Denial Is Possible
to popular belief, happy ending massages do not necessarily end with an orgasm.
Everything boils down to what you discuss with the masseuse. If you live a
chaste lifestyle and you do not want to reach climax because it is against your
beliefs, the massage can be quite empowering. This is because of the power
associated with stopping everything. You can just let the masseuse do
everything and then, when you want to, you can stop the massage. Orgasm is
denied and you are instantly empowered by a simple NO. This makes your mind
stronger since you are in complete control. The experience is always tailored
you suffer from insomnia or other sleep issues, you’ll know how frustrating it
can be to lie awake all night trying to get some much-needed sleep. While
medications can be prescribed by a doctor to promote better sleep, these often
come with risks and side effects, so it’s a good idea to first try natural
methods to improve sleep. One such method that can vastly improve sleep is a
happy ending massage. Thanks to the stress relieving and relaxing benefits a happy ending massage in Melbourne can provide, you can
experience a significant improvement in the amount and quality of sleep,
meaning you’ll find it easier to both get to sleep and stay asleep without
having to resort to medication.
Boost to Overall Health
after one’s health is important, but sometimes it can be hard to find the time
needed to do so. Fortunately, a happy ending massage offers an effective way of
providing a boost to overall health. General health benefits of a happy ending massage in Melbourne can include
increased body healing time, slowed down heart rate, lowered blood pressure,
improved circulation, increased flexibility and range of motion, enhanced
immune response, and even improved posture. A happy ending massage can also be
beneficial by reducing stress which could otherwise lead to negative health
effects. With so many benefits for health, sleep, stress
relief and relaxation, it’s no surprise that so many people seek out happy
ending massages. Offered by reputable brothels across Melbourne, this is one
massage that’s sure to leave you feeling happy and relaxed.
Safety within chastity is pretty much the same as with standard chastity play. However, the most difficult thing will be the absence of a key holder. If you choose not to engage with a key holder, (or even if you do) then it’s a good idea to have some backups to avoid temptation. The Key is the most important part of male chastity. It is what will secure your release, and it is what denies you pleasure and freedom. When you’re in a physical relationship with a key-holder, the denial of the key is pretty simple. Your key holder partner will hold the key, hide the key, and use the key as they deem fit. Regardless of your circumstances we still recommend reading this page so that you can find uses and places for the emergency key though! When you’re not in a relationship or you’re not using a key holder, holding the key becomes a little more tricky. It needs to be something that is unusual, or difficult to get to so that you do not succumb to temptation by using your key. To do that you’ll need to make your key as inaccessible as possible. Here are a few ways and ideas that you could use, or that your partner might use.
– Hiding The Key
in a public place. Ideally, you don’t want to be hiding it in a place that is open 24 hours a day and seven days a week as you’ll be easily able to get your key. Places to consider might be, under the carpet in a library or in a seldom used section, somewhere in a shopping mall, or maybe in your gym locker where there’s not 24 hours access. See, the more restrictive that the hiding places opening hours are, the more difficult it going to make it when you go and try and retrieve it. If you’re using an option like this – you might want to get a back-up key in case your first key is accidentally found.
– Bury The Key
You might want to bury the key at a bus stop near your home, you might want to bury it near a landmark, or you might enjoy bush-walking and you might find a secluded spot in which you can bury it. Alternatively you could bury it near a farm, tree or fence post or pretty much wherever you like. So long as that it takes some distance to travel to. Putting it somewhere in the country can make it difficult especially if your area is prone to bad weather.
– A Glass Bottle
can serve as a key container. Simply plug up the neck with some stuff that can’t be removed, or alternatively melt the neck together after the key has been inserted. You’re basically looking at the idea that the bottle has to be broken in order to get the key out of the bottle. Secondly, the bottle will make for an awesome container if the key needs to be buried somewhere as the glass will not be breaking down anytime soon. (Please don’t put it in a cardboard box)
– Hide The Key At Work
You work there, you know all the little hidey holes where you can keep stuff, and where people aren’t going to look. If you’re putting it in a secure/awkward situation at work not only are you unlikely to take the chastity device off until you get home. Also, unless your workplace is open 24 hours, or you have keys, you’re not going to be able to have access to it all day.
– Bury It In A Friend’s Garden
without their knowledge. Or alternatively, hide it in their house or garage. Not only will you have to endure the torment of going to visit them when you’re caged, but you won’t be in a position to visit and leave straight away, meaning that there’s either going to be some awkward explaining or some enduring that you’ll have to go through.
– Give Your Friends
a spare set of keys with the key on it. This works well if you’re looking at chastity as something long term, as there’s only so many times that you can use the excuse of that you’ve forgotten your keys.
In all of these situations it is best that you keep a secondary back up key just in case. For example, if your friend goes away on holidays without telling you, then you’re certainly going to be in a pickle if you’ve left the key inside their house. Always ensure back up plans, and then make sure that you have back up plans for the back up plans. It might seem like a pain and a hassle but you’re not going to regret it.
Chastity can be difficult when you don’t have a partner to engage with – however just because you don’t have anyone else doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy yourself in chastity. What you’ll find below is a list of games that you can play by yourself in order to secure your own release and satisfaction at times. Basically, it’s a reward based system that you would normally get with a key holder, just in this case you’re rewarding yourself. The thing is, you can still enjoy chastity play even before you get someone else involved, and this might be a precursor to seeing if you actually enjoy chastity play without the embarrassment of having to ask someone else. In solo chastity play – you have to be honest with yourself and you have to be your own key holder, it’s not going to work if you’re not being committed to the type of play. Before you engage in extended periods of being caged, you need to ensure that your brand new chastity cage works, and fits well.
Start off by wearing it for short periods of time, and while carrying the key. If at any stage you feel discomfort, pain or anything like that, immediately remove the device and work out what was causing the discomfort. If it was simply in the wrong position, then re position and put back on. But if the problem is serious, like the ring is too small, or the device is too big, then you’re going to have to discontinue use, and get a new device or parts for the device. You’ll also need to start practicing by sleeping with it to ensure that it’s also a good fit for when you’re asleep. This process might take a few days, or even weeks, until you’re completely comfortable and satisfied with the device and you’re comfortable with leaving the key at home.
Start off with small trips, like a shopping trip, friend for lunch etc. and leaving the key at home. You’ll still have access to it, but just not immediately. In this fashion you can build yourself up to wearing the chastity device full time. Depending on your level of commitment you could start off by mirroring a standard key holder relationship by drawing up a contact, which will establish the length of time that you will remain chaste, establishing a list of punishments and so on and so forth. If you’re only going to do it for a few days, you could consider the idea of mailing the key to yourself, either from a neighboring town or similar. This will let you have a taste of chastity and whether you like it or not.
By constructing a list of punishments you could be holding yourself accountable to the contract as well – when playing solo its really up to you as to how far you want to take it. We have compiled a short list of punishments that you could use – penciling in the appropriate extensions depending on the time that you’re being locked up. If it’s only a couple of days you could extend the punishment by hours or days, it’s not really feasible to extend it by weeks or months. Conversely, if you’re locking yourself up for weeks or months, the punishments shouldn’t be hours or days.
– Suggested Male Chastity Penalties
– Not wearing your cage at all times:
– Touching yourself whilst being caged:
– Attempted masturbation/Masturbation
– Orgasm during the period of being locked:
– Not pleasing someone else to the best of your ability whilst locked:
– Failure to complete chores as per the contract:
Once you have sorted out all of the above, including what to do with back up keys you can start your chastity fantasy by engaging in some games! A good way to create a secure and emergency back up key, is to drop the key into a plastic bottle of water and freeze it. You’ll be limited in your access to your key and the ways in which you can quickly access it. It’ll still be there in an emergency, but it won’t be immediate.
Going to the gym can be hard. Why not motivate yourself by using chastity as a personal trainer? You could ask a friend to put the key in a locker, and they can give you the combination after you’ve worked out, or simply get them to hold onto a bunch of keys (with the chastity on it) for a short period of time. If you successfully work out, you can have access to the key again. If not. . . you’ll remain locked up.
There are a few websites online which will do something like a chastity spin. You ‘spin’ the wheel and it will give you a task or activity to do. It might add to your time as being chaste, or it might be kind and give you an early freedom. Be careful what you wish for, because this isn’t usually a wheel of kindness.
The Key Bowl:
For this one you’ll need a bunch of keys, you’ll be better if they are similar keys, you might even find it easier and more convenient to go to the locksmith and buy a bunch of key blanks, or ask them to just do a bunch of random style keys for you. Say it’s a date night and you’re looking for a fun game. You might need to give them a couple of days in order to do this, or buy a bunch of random keys online from ebay. Once you have your keys, put them and the key for the lock in the jar. From here, the choice is yours. You may simply take one key out per day, or for each task/goal that you’ve given yourself you might be rewarded with a key. If you’re really wanting to make this game last as long as possible, return the keys to the bowl at the end of each day/week, or immediately after you discover that it’s the wrong key.
For this you can use as little, or as many dice as you want. Starting off from the lowest number possible on the dice make a list of rewards and punishments that you’re going to give yourself. Keep in mind, that the more dice you use the more difficult it’s going to be and the more punishments and rewards that you’re going to have to right (unless you’re going to do ranges)
People on the internet are very kind and sweet. If you decide to join a chastity forum, you might decide to announce that for every comment that you get on your post, that you’re going to add X amount to your punishment. Or ask for them to make a suggestion of some kind. Prior to the post, pick a number – you have to follow that number posts instructions. Aren’t random people nice?
Make it hard:
Option 1. I’m sure that you have a bunch on anal insertables somewhere in the house (if you don’t go get some – or see option 2). Engage in some delightful anal play for a period of 25 minutes. At the end of this time – simply walk away.
Option 2. Watch your favorite porn for a period of 25 minutes. At the end of the time, walk away.
This one helps if you also do not have access to your back up key for an hour or so. The tease will simply blow your mind.
This one is certainly not for everyone. Make sure that your key is small enough to swallow without causing any damage. You’ll generally have your key back in 3-5 days. Just in case – make sure you have a backup.
The Kitchen Safe:
This one is not as extreme as swallowing your key. For this one you’ll need to look online. There’s a bunch of lockable cookie jars online, some of them will not even have an override so if its control that you’re after then this is going to be for you. It will force discipline, and you’re going to be in a position that forces you to take the commands of a lifeless being. But hey, that’s chastity! Give someone a spare key, or have a backup just in case.
10 Commandments Of Male Chastity For The Chaste Male!!
Your keyholder is your owner and as such they own every part of you and your body and in return you must love and obey them. Your keyholder is entitled to determine which parts of your body are used, and when they are used. With this in mind, your owner has every right to secure your penis in some form of chastity device of both of your choosing. Your owner may lock you up at any time they choose, and for however long they deem in necessary.
Your owner does not need to provide you with any justification or reason in order to secure you in a chastity device. Your only concern is that your owner wants to, and that by itself is reason enough. Whether you want to be secured or not, has no relevance to the situation as per the agreement made in your relationship and Chastity Document.
Under no circumstances (excepting in health and safety emergencies) are you permitted to attempt to remove, alter, or bypass the chastity device with which you have been secured. You, under the terms of the relationship with which you have agreed to, are fully obligated to co-operate with your owner in the fitting of the chastity device and help your owner in the securement of your manhood. You must draw your owners attention to any fault in the device which may impact on its functionality so that your owner can ensure that the device performs as it is intended to perform.
It is your responsibility and duty to keep yourself clean and care for in the area of your manhood so that the wearing of the device is not impeded through health concerns. Following regular cleaning and care, you can continue to be locked up for as long as your owner demands it of you. This is inclusive to the submission of prostate milking so that you can be cleaned internally as well.
You must remember that your owner has locked up your manhood for the precise reason that you can no longer play with yourself or achieve an erection or orgasm. Your manhood is no longer there for your pleasure, but for your owners. Your sole duty is to carry them around for your owner. If erections cause discomfort, then don’t do it.
It is your duty and obligation to inform your owner of your experiences whilst wearing the device. You should regularly look at your chastity cage in order to remind yourself of the pleasures that you once had that were in your control and which are now locked away from you. You should let your owner know how you feel, as they may enjoy hearing about your suffering and longing.
Your owner, in the form of humiliation and subject to your agreement, is entitled to remind you about your inability to obtain an erection, get any form of sexual release. Your owner has taken that away from you and chooses to enjoy that teasing. Your owner can get satisfaction at any time that they want, whereas you cannot. Your owner will find this amusing and want to remind you about this continually.
Dependent on the agreement that you have signed, your secret is not entitled to remain a secret. If your owner chooses to tell people about the chastity device, your owner may do so.
Your owner is allowed to provide stimulation to you in any form that they see fit. This may be include, but not be limited to, exposure to erotic imagery and material, direct physical contact.
It is your duty to take pleasure in the idea that your owner takes time from their day in order to control the use of their property and that this will give them amusement. You should always be thankful for having your owner to secure you in a chastity device and you should always be letting them know how thankful you are for that. You should demonstrate this by being attentive and loyal.
Because of this you should take pleasure in the fact that your owner takes the time to control the use of her property and happy that it gives her some amusement. You should always thank her for securing you in chastity and let her know how grateful you are to have your genitals locked up under her control. You should always be happy if she decides to extend your time in chastity and tell her how much you like to continue being emasculated.
Four Commandments For The Key Holder:-
A key Holder should not have time to play mind games. The fact that they have a key should be indication that they are in charge.
There is no room for obscure power games, or power plays, or even petty maneuvering, the key holder is the key holder and that is the power that they have and are limited to.
A key holder has not right and is not entitled to resort to any form of abusive behaviour not outlined in the in the agreement of the relationship. They are not entitled to name calling, to put you down, belittle or physically abuse you in any form. There are always hack saws!
The keyholder should remember that if they want something – then they should clearly state their needs and demands. Key Holders should not sulk, they should not confront their chaste male with such phrases as
‘You Should Have Remembered’
‘How Could You Forget’.
There is no room for obscure mind games in chastity. Gone are the days when chastity and bondage was frowned upon as an alternate lifestyle choice and many partakers now use it as a form of art.