Most of this website has so far seen a focus on providing people that are chastity wearers information about the chastity life. Whilst you can still gather the information you need from this by reverse engineering it of sorts - we decided to create a concise and short guide for Key Holders. At the end of the day you are one of the most important people within chastity, so it only makes sense that you get your own guide.
Step 1: Buying A Chastity Device:-
You may or may not have to convince your partner to wear a chastity device. Maybe he's already brought it up, or expressed interest in it, or maybe you'll have to be the one that brings it up. If you're the one that's interested in it - you have to ensure that you're taking the right approach to it. Some people will see it more as a sign of distrust than they will about the relationship benefits. You could explain that chastity has the potential to make a relationship stronger, happier and more fun with a focus on intimacy between the two of you. You could explain that you like the idea of being in control of his sex, and his arousal, and that you'd feel having that control would make you special. He may need reassurances, he may need time to digest, he may need to research things by himself. Once you've come to an agreement, it's time to search for a chastity device (using the resources provided on this site) and go out and buy one.
Step 2: The Arrival of the Cage:-
First things first. You'll need to practice how to operate it. You should both take turns in locking and unlocking the device by itself so that you're familiar with how it's operating and how it works. One you're comfortable with this try putting the device on his genitals. Take turns with this bit as well, so that you're both in a position to comfortably take the device off, and put it back on. Get him to give it a feel. If it's on the right way there should be no discomfort, he should be able to pee and he shouldn't be able to stimulate himself in any way.
Step 3: Locking:-
Most chastity cages are locked in place with a very simple padlock and key. At this stage you do not want him to be wearing the device for extended periods of time. try getting him to wear it around the house for a few house for a week or so before progressing. From there, you could take him out shopping, for the first few times carry the key with you, and then start leaving the key at home. You're basically building it up until he can be locked for extended periods of time. You might find that by wearing and using it in this way that he becomes uncomfortable with the device in the sense that it's not sitting right, which you wouldn't have known about from simply using at home.
Step 4: Changes:-
There will be changes. The longer that he's wearing it - the more changes that there will be. Firstly, you might want to note that he'll probably have to sit when peeing. There goes the arguments about the toilet seat being left up all the time! Another change he'll have to grow accustomed to is how he sleeps - if he's wearing the device overnight he'll have to change his sleeping position to being on his side or back as in all probability sleeping on his stomach is going to be uncomfortable. These might take a few days to adjust to, but they're not severe changes. We're not bringing up the behavioral changes here in a too in depth fashion as there's ample information for that in other pages here, but suffice to say there will be changes in his behavior.
Step 5: Accepting Your New Role:-
There'll also be changes in you. By holding the keys to your partners chastity device, you'll find that there's a substantial difference in the power dynamics of the relationship. For most key holders, they'll find that their partner becomes more attentive, loving, loyal and respectful. This can be explained through reading our article on the science of chastity. It's almost a common knowledge that for the most part, men are often driven by sexual urges and responses to their penis. By having the control of this urge puts you in a very different dynamic to what you were before.
Chaste guys will often then change their mannerisms and behavior in an attempt to illicit sexual release and orgasm. If you've read the science of chastity, you'’ll understand that once sexual relief has occurred, that they'll return back to their usual ways before returning back to 'chaste' behavior within a week or so. All the more reason to deny him that for as long as possible. Except now, with the chastity device, he won't even be in a position to pleasure himself or bring himself to orgasm in an attempt to ease the problem. He is now completely, and utterly dependant on you.
By now you should start seeing the power of the keys, taking solace in the fact that as long as you hold the keys, your partner can no longer masturbate or achieve sexual release without you choosing to. You will now have the power to restrict his orgasms, only to when you want them, or when you're feeling nice or generous, or even only when he has earned that privilege by providing you with all the pleasure that you wanted. You are no longer just his partner. You are the only person that is able to give him sexual release. You, his partner, have complete and utter control of his sex life and he is now in a very specific position whereby you're the one in control.
Step 6: Establishing The Rules:-
Rules can be an important part of chastity. One of the very basic things that you'll need to do is to decide on a schedule where he may get sexual release. For people new to chastity, this shouldn't be more than a week or so. Now this doesn't mean that he's guaranteed to get release on a specified day, but he'll get release if he' made you happy and content during the week and followed all the rules. Consider it like training a puppy. Start off with simple tasks and reward schemes. If he hasn't followed all the rules or hasn't obliged by the chores (next paragraph) then he might not get release. He'll quickly learn that the power dynamics have changed and that when he's done something wrong he's not going to get release.
Now this sounds harsh, it sounds a lot harsher than what it actually is - and not all relationships are going to start out like this. But it's generally an inevitable. That's not to say that one should ever abuse that power, they should not and to do that would be very wrong, but it's part of the dominant and submissive relationship. The main thing is the limitation of his orgasms, once you start limiting them he's going to appreciate them more and more, and when he does finally get sexual release that release is going to blow his mind! In no time at all he'll begin to understand the importance of always making you happy and that will equate and correlate with his own happiness.
A second important rule that you will need to make sure that he understands is that he is no longer allowed to pleasure himself. At all. Only you will have the power to be able to touch, fondle or stroke his penis or to do whatever else that you want to do. Being in chastity is useless if he can't follow that basic rule. When making this rule you need to reinforce your dominance and autonomy as the sole giver of his sexual release and pleasure. Often you may want to take on the role of a Hot Wife or Fem Dom and make him experience being fucked either by a strap on or anal toy.
When the time comes for release, you may and should be able to do it in a manner of your choosing. If you want to engage in penetrative sex after he has given you enough foreplay, so be it. If he's made you content and you want to reward him with a hand job or a blow job, then that's certainly okay too. The choices are endless. You can also decide to lock him up in some handcuffs, lace, ribbon or some other restraints before releasing his manhood if you so choose, ensuring that you retain complete and utter control. Once he's had an orgasm, he should be put back into the device immediately.
Step 7: Chores:-
Chores and housework are a very simple and easy way to enforce control in a chaste male. You could be assertive in ensuring that the housework is done, as well as any other little duties or things that need doing. This does not mean that you should forsake him into doing all the household chores, but what you may find is that often he will just start doing things on his own initiative in order to please you.
Step 8: Your Sexual Pleasure:-
Just because he’s not allowed sexual release does not mean that you aren't allowed to have sexual release. You are in a position to enjoy oral sex, and other pleasures from him and this will allow him the ability to focus on your sexual pleasure and hone in on his techniques and skills. You could do this multiple times a day, or at your every whim and demand. You’ll find that he'll receive great pleasure when pleasuring you as this will be his only form of sexual outlet that he is able to enjoy.
You may choose to enjoy your sexual pleasure with the use of a vibrator for women, or you might choose to release him after you've had your fill. Or maybe you'll just be too tired to and you can roll over and head to bed. No-one said that teasing wasn't going to be a part of being in chastity.
Step 9. Fun:-
This isn't going to work if you're not having fun with it. Don't be afraid to be a little bit of a bitch to him every now and then, and you certainly shouldn't be too nice and kind either. You don't have to be polite, you could be demanding in the sense that you want a foot massage, that you want oral sex, or that you want something from him. The energy that he once had in terms of trying to please himself and his own sexual desires can be channeled into pleasing you, and you can use your imagination in this regard to however you deem it necessary.
Step 10. Reminding him of Chastity Cage:-
Reminding him of the chastity cage can be a very fun task. The key holder is not necessarily privy to the emotions and thoughts that are present in the chaste males head - one of the roles of the key holders is to keep the male in an excited and aroused state. If you can manage this, then you will have a very chaste male willing to do your every whim and desire. There are few ways better than achieving this than by reminding him that he is a cage and you're the controller of his sexual release.
Step 11. Reminding Yourself:-
You need to remember the following two things when you're a keyholder.
- You can experience orgasms and sexual pleasure at anytime, anywhere and how you want.
- His orgasms are given at your discretion, your whim and for your amusement